Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
