im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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