I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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