my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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