worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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