I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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