At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
