naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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