Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
