what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
