hotel room ftw
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
