Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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