I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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