great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I understand Curling. That high.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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