I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
