Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
