I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
they need to just BURY HIM!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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