Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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