saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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