My friends, they love my intelligence
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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