This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
