All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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