when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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