I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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