Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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