bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
