I love black thongs
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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