She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
