my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
