we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
