Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
is it fun? or sober?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
