i think i have herpe
just one?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
