Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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