You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
