This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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