Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
