oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
