WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
