It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
