im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm too high and old for this...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
