dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
