if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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