New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
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