You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.