Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.