we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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