I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
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Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?