We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina