went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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