yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream