I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you had me at cake vodka
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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