My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
