I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
