She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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