I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
