Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
