Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
