glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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