youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
