By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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