OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
