East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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