you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
