he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
