I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
