Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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