Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
