I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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