You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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