apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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