I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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