I just pynch a tree in the face
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
