I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
