in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
