During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
