just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
