I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
