I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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