so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
